Benjamin Miller

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Artist Interview: Sally Nicholson

June 04, 2018 by Ben Miller in Interviews

Under the noise of our scurrying minds, there's a place of subconscious viscera. It's that subterranean place inside of us that gives birth to dreams, presenting to us the lesser seen aspects of our own being. The work of artist Sally Nicholson has, for me, the  effect of puncturing the membrane that buffers us from the subconscious, so that its contents--its snails, storms, and sounds--are allowed to seep out and be seen, heard, and intensely felt. In the words below, she talks about her work.


Questions:
Dreams are mentioned or alluded to in some of your work. What influence do your dreams have on your life and your art?

As an introduction, 
I will give you a key to understand some of the language I may use on this exploration:

She/Her: I use the name “She” or “Her” for the one I see in my dreams. Her only duty is to survive the hardships that a sleeping brain makes you succumb to. 

Me: The one who sleeps. I am simply a witness to the challenges I put Her through. Sometimes I consider myself a voyeur once in this situation. 
 
The Snowglobe: The stage. It is what contains the setting of all my dreams, the props, events, challenges that She faces and I watch her go through. 


How do you prove a dream? 
You don’t.
You recreate it. 
From a vulnerable memory your sleeping mind built JUST for you.
A gift.

I often have suffocating dreams that I use as my kindling to produce. I feel I must pay my respects to these dreams by trying to entertain them the best I can. They are overpowering, governing, overwhelming, scary,  hurtful. Subconscious me went through the motions to overcome them.
Sometimes she doesn’t even overcome them.

Sometimes she simply waits for me to wake up, and that dream to finally end.
          She feels every twitch and punch of fear and confusion that I PUT HER THROUGH.

Because
She is me and I owe Her
for being resilient.
And loyal.

snicholson-image_03.jpg

When you set out to do a performance, do you have a pre-chosen intention or experience that you want to communicate? Or is it more of an exploration of something unknown? Or a mixture of the two? Or something else entirely?

(The final works of (mine) that you watch with me)
      (with me)
            (hear) 
                   (with)
                       (me)
                             (lick with me)

                          (They are tributes.)
 

What helps you maintain your connection to creative ideas and inspiration? This could be a habit, an intention or motive, a material, a place, a person, a book, or anything else.

I have always been a reader. Shakespeare, the epic Greek poems & tragedies, classic literature all for example, really get me going...and these are all equal forms of stimulus for my studio practice. 

Writing is how I sketch.
Rarely do I draw. 
I have always considered myself a collector of language. Holding onto phrases, words, intentions that have leached onto my memory bank. As of the past year or so, I have been accompanying most of my videos, sculptures, performance and audio pieces with a poem. I see it as the piece’s own voice. 
I am a strong believer that poetry is a noise you must hear, and each piece of mine has to have enough of an appetite to be able to SCREAM. 
 

How does your sense of self change while you are performing?

The sense of self becomes ooey-gooey, sticky, sappy. 
I enter into a passionate, full-hearted maternal figure vortex, who wants to honor Her the best I can. Along with that, I become much more selfish than I ever am on the day-to-day. 

I say selfish because: these gifts (dream memories) are mine. And they are fragile. 
Although they aren’t always friendly gifts, they ARE gifts that were only built for me. 
I don’t want to share with you,
I don’t want help recreating them,
because that would be cheating. 

snicholson-image_01.jpg

Are there any projects you’re working on now, or would like to work on in the future, that are exciting or stimulating you? Why are you drawn to it and where do you want to go with it?

It is pretty separated from my personal practice currently, but I am co-partnering in an art space endearingly named Gluon Gallery. Together, Joe Acri and I are aiming to create an easily accessible platform with the objective of supporting and challenging young, budding artists. 

This mission has been one of importance my entire undergrad career. 
Of course it is noticeable; the lack of shows and/or events in our community that take on a wide array of undergrad students. 
Those in this malleable stage of learning about their practices are the ones that we need to keep pushing & supporting.

In some of the glimpses I’ve caught of your work online, it feels like the surface layer of reality’s skin is being peeled away and the contents beneath are then seen or manipulated. In these works, it felt like I was experiencing a facet of life that is intensely, viscerally real, yet which is not often perceived. It is similar to the way dreams will bring my attention to aspects of myself or life that I don’t always notice. For me, some of your work functions as a catalyst that triggers this shift of perception. Perhaps this is all my own projection, but does any of this relate to your intentions for or experience of your art?

What a curious question, and read of my work. 

Isn’t that what a dream is, in a way? When you sleep, that subconscious of yours is ruthless and it really pays attention. Mine does at least. 

Asleep. 

Reality’s skin (your skin) owns nothing but a metaphorical weight that is very easily torn away from your metaphorical bones. You're dreaming, who knows if you have bones, but we can just assume you do. And once that weight is torn away you are on full blast: muscle, mucus, arteries, capillaries, secrets, intimacies, obsessions are all fair game to become the foundation of the screening room that is your sleeping brain.

Am I in control of the screening room? No. It is more powerful than I am. I am secondary, I am an audience in awe. It is pure, and my current fascination. 

Awake. 

I think often about how our nights would likely be quieter and our sleep more serene if we didn’t dream so much. But our minds would not be as rich nor our brains as nimble nor our wishes so often fulfilled (and fears excavated.)

This may sometimes wear you out, but you will never be bored. My bidding ultimately is to pay tribute to the ongoings inside of the Snowglobe, but also to let them show, guide, inspire both me, and Her.


If you want to let your mind be palpably shifted and transported, listen to this audio piece by Sally Nicholson with headphones on and eyes closed. It is just five minutes long and is subtly impactful if you let yourself sink into it.


links

@salspal_ - Sally Nicholson's Instagram
Gluon Gallery - An art gallery in Milwaukee, WI USA, co-founded by Sally Nicholson and Joe Acri


On my blog, you can find writings on art and alchemical thinking, interviews about creativity, psychologically-oriented reflections on tarot, and more. You can check out past posts in the categorized list below. You can also find my art, music, and Lila Radio, an auditory series of improvised, absurdist, psychedelic (mind-manifesting) storytelling.

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  • Art
    • Dec 19, 2016 Wakey Wakey, Inner Kiddo
    • Dec 28, 2016 How to Make Magical Oranges
    • Aug 17, 2017 Put the Potatoes on Your Face
    • Sep 14, 2017 Art is a Portal
    • Dec 1, 2017 Why the Tutu?
    • Apr 3, 2018 Public Alchemy: Notes on Street Performance
    • Jun 22, 2018 The Freedom and Fear of Being Yourself (Notes on Performance and Life)
    • Jul 2, 2018 About the Folks Who Think You Stink (Notes on Performance and Life)
  • Interviews
    • Feb 21, 2018 Artist Interview: Samantha Blumenfeld
    • Mar 1, 2018 Artist Interview: Lawrence Blackman
    • Apr 23, 2018 Interview: Yogi Ron Katwijk
    • Jun 4, 2018 Artist Interview: Sally Nicholson
    • Jul 18, 2018 Artist Interview: Kayle Karbowski
  • Magical Thinking
    • Dec 28, 2016 How to Make Magical Oranges
    • Jan 15, 2017 Following Fear
    • Feb 19, 2017 Why Does Heartache Happen?
    • Jul 6, 2017 Nerves and Tutus
    • Aug 7, 2017 Three Reasons to Destroy Yourself (Or Not)
    • Sep 14, 2017 Art is a Portal
    • Dec 1, 2017 Why the Tutu?
    • Jan 5, 2018 Chaos' Playground: Finding Gold in the Shitstorm
    • Apr 3, 2018 Public Alchemy: Notes on Street Performance
    • Apr 16, 2018 Questions for Limitations
    • Jun 22, 2018 The Freedom and Fear of Being Yourself (Notes on Performance and Life)
    • Jul 2, 2018 About the Folks Who Think You Stink (Notes on Performance and Life)
    • Aug 23, 2018 Melting a Snowball of Misery
    • Jun 21, 2019 White Peacocks, Constipation, and Emotional Liberation
    • Aug 5, 2019 Celebrating Your Misery
    • Dec 4, 2020 The Healing Voice: Wounds, Addiction, and Purgation
    • May 18, 2023 Magick is a Sentient Entity: Using the Imagination to Co-Create with Magick
    • Jun 21, 2023 Magick for Reshaping Life and Transmuting Trauma
  • Tarot
    • Aug 26, 2017 Tarot as a Tool for Reality Construction
    • Feb 28, 2018 Today's Tarot: The World is in the Seed
    • Jun 27, 2019 Today's Tarot: Snot, Beauty, and Tea for Pain
    • Aug 12, 2019 Today's Tarot: The Moon of Self-Loathing
    • Aug 13, 2019 Today's Tarot: The Golden Devils Inside You
    • Aug 18, 2019 Today's Tarot: Shifting Pain by Surrendering to It
    • Aug 25, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #1: Why is the Present Moment So Much All the Time?
    • Sep 3, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #2: Do abusers know they're being abusive, or is that just their sense of reality?
    • Sep 25, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #3: Why can't I find more hours in a day?
    • Oct 11, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #4: How long will it be until I have a new job?
    • Oct 24, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #5: Why does my skin crawl with wonder and fascination as such important relationships in my life are connected by the eyes?

 


 

June 04, 2018 /Ben Miller
artist, interview, conversation, benjonmiller, art, performanceart, performance, sally, nicholson
Interviews
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put the potatoes-title image.jpg

Put the Potatoes on Your Face

August 17, 2017 by Ben Miller in Art

Street Performance Notes
South Congress, Austin, Texas, Sunday, August 13, 2017

I was sitting on the street corner, singing incoherently and spreading mashed potatoes all over my body as people passed during brunch hour.

Ready the potato bag!

Ready the potato bag!

Wearing a white tutu, white face paint, and bright red lipstick, I park my bike and look for a place to perform. Half of my hair is missing because my razor broke midway through my self-serviced buzzcut that morning. After walking down a block or two, I realize I’m avoiding the thing I came here to do. To go from walking normally to stopping on a street corner and behaving with intentional ridiculousness is an uncomfortable transition. In that moment before I’ve started, something inside me is recoiling, saying, “Don’t do that! Stop! Go home. Don’t be silly. Remember to remember all your fears, your self-indulgent woes, and your existential booboos.”

Before I start performing, it feels as though I am about to jump off a ledge. Before I jump, I’m scared. I put it off. I keep walking, telling myself, “No, this spot isn’t right. Let’s walk a little further.” Then I notice I’m putting it off. I say “fuck it” and jump. I start the singing, the dancing, or in this case, the mashed potato-spreading. After a few minutes, that internal voice of fear realizes that we’ve jumped and we’re not going back. The fear dissipates.

After the fear shrinks or goes away, I start to enjoy myself. I feel like a fool but that is why I do it and that is why I feel so great doing it. When I allow myself to behave at a level of silliness that is not publicly permitted after childhood, I feel utterly free.

Post-performance potato-face.

Post-performance potato-face.

Because I am already behaving absurdly, I stop worrying about what I’m doing. Since I’m no longer worrying about what I’m doing, I am able to simply play. I’m able to let myself be myself and enjoy myself as I am. I stop thinking about past pains and future anxieties. I stop worrying about what I’m supposed to do or not supposed to do. I just play.

The performance is primarily for me. I do it because it helps me feel good. It helps me shake loose from the patterns of thought and feeling that give me pain. It opens me up to feeling joy, love, and all of the other feelings that make life worthwhile. Once I am feeling that playful freedom, I try to imbue my actions and my voice with that carefree feeling so that it becomes infectious. When I connect eyes with a stranger, I imagine that that feeling is being transmitted along an invisible wire of emotion that extends from me to them. Emotional telepathy.

Wearing a tiny dress, painting my face, singing absurdly, and picking my nose with potato-covered fingers on a street corner isn’t the only way to feel that sense of freedom without inhibition--but it seems to help.


If you enjoyed this post, please stay tuned for regular updates to my blog. Writings about art, dreams, tarot, and the joys and frustrations of psychological constipation and liberation. If you have questions or thoughts, leave a comment below or message me here.

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  • Art
    • Jul 2, 2018 About the Folks Who Think You Stink (Notes on Performance and Life)
    • Jun 22, 2018 The Freedom and Fear of Being Yourself (Notes on Performance and Life)
    • Apr 3, 2018 Public Alchemy: Notes on Street Performance
    • Dec 1, 2017 Why the Tutu?
    • Sep 14, 2017 Art is a Portal
    • Aug 17, 2017 Put the Potatoes on Your Face
    • Dec 28, 2016 How to Make Magical Oranges
    • Dec 19, 2016 Wakey Wakey, Inner Kiddo
  • Interviews
    • Jul 18, 2018 Artist Interview: Kayle Karbowski
    • Jun 4, 2018 Artist Interview: Sally Nicholson
    • Apr 23, 2018 Interview: Yogi Ron Katwijk
    • Mar 1, 2018 Artist Interview: Lawrence Blackman
    • Feb 21, 2018 Artist Interview: Samantha Blumenfeld
  • Magical Thinking
    • Jun 21, 2023 Magick for Reshaping Life and Transmuting Trauma
    • May 18, 2023 Magick is a Sentient Entity: Using the Imagination to Co-Create with Magick
    • Dec 4, 2020 The Healing Voice: Wounds, Addiction, and Purgation
    • Aug 5, 2019 Celebrating Your Misery
    • Jun 21, 2019 White Peacocks, Constipation, and Emotional Liberation
    • Aug 23, 2018 Melting a Snowball of Misery
    • Jul 2, 2018 About the Folks Who Think You Stink (Notes on Performance and Life)
    • Jun 22, 2018 The Freedom and Fear of Being Yourself (Notes on Performance and Life)
    • Apr 16, 2018 Questions for Limitations
    • Apr 3, 2018 Public Alchemy: Notes on Street Performance
    • Jan 5, 2018 Chaos' Playground: Finding Gold in the Shitstorm
    • Dec 1, 2017 Why the Tutu?
    • Sep 14, 2017 Art is a Portal
    • Aug 7, 2017 Three Reasons to Destroy Yourself (Or Not)
    • Jul 6, 2017 Nerves and Tutus
    • Feb 19, 2017 Why Does Heartache Happen?
    • Jan 15, 2017 Following Fear
    • Dec 28, 2016 How to Make Magical Oranges
  • Tarot
    • Oct 24, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #5: Why does my skin crawl with wonder and fascination as such important relationships in my life are connected by the eyes?
    • Oct 11, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #4: How long will it be until I have a new job?
    • Sep 25, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #3: Why can't I find more hours in a day?
    • Sep 3, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #2: Do abusers know they're being abusive, or is that just their sense of reality?
    • Aug 25, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #1: Why is the Present Moment So Much All the Time?
    • Aug 18, 2019 Today's Tarot: Shifting Pain by Surrendering to It
    • Aug 13, 2019 Today's Tarot: The Golden Devils Inside You
    • Aug 12, 2019 Today's Tarot: The Moon of Self-Loathing
    • Jun 27, 2019 Today's Tarot: Snot, Beauty, and Tea for Pain
    • Feb 28, 2018 Today's Tarot: The World is in the Seed
    • Aug 26, 2017 Tarot as a Tool for Reality Construction
August 17, 2017 /Ben Miller
art, benjonmiller, performance, street, performanceart, potato, alchemy, telepathy, mashedpotatoes, pickyournoseinpublic
Art
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Nerves and Tutus

July 06, 2017 by Ben Miller in Magical Thinking

My heart is beating rapidly. Stilted breathing. The inability to sit comfortably in my skin.

Why?

I recently performed at an open mic in Austin, my first musical performance since moving here. As soon as I got there I could physically feel the nervous fear rippling through my organs. I've performed before and seen that the pre-show fear is almost always unwarranted and disproportionate to the task at hand. Rationally thinking, there's usually nothing to be afraid of. The intimidating experience is rarely as terrifying as the preceding weariness would have me believe, often times the performance even goes well.

Where does the fear come from?

Before performing, I''m afraid that my show will be too weird, too esoteric, too inaccessible--an echo of the patterns of self-doubt graciously bestowed upon me by adolescent experiences of feeling rejected for being who I am. I'm terrified that the audience will judge me and deem my work worthless. These are the thoughts that gurgle like bile in my skull before the show. I can rationalize them. I can call to mind previous occasions that have disproved my fear. I can remind myself that the opinions of others shouldn't be the determinant of my actions.

Performing in Seoul, 2017. Photo by Soh Young Kim.

I can remember all of those morsels of mental encouragement, yet the fear will still be there, still gnawing and tearing at me. Still telling me that I'm an idiot, that my ridiculous songs will never amount to anything, that I should go home, drink, masturbate, eat, watch TV, distract myself, and return to a cave of familiar, but fruitless and unfulfilling, comforts.

On my stool in the bar, I am antsy, shifting my legs. My limbs are as restless as my mind.

While that reptilian creature of comfort in my head screams at me to GO HOME, RUN AWAY, there is still the part of me that knows this is what I want to do. This part of myself knows how much I enjoy performing and catalyzing experiences of shared absurdity and playfulness. This part of myself knows that, as nervous and dread-smothered as I feel now, I will feel even worse if I don't follow through on my creative urges.

I sit and watch the other performers. My stage time is coming up. Why am I so concerned about a minuscule ten minutes at an open mic anyway? For a moment I consider not wearing the tutu and face paint I normally don, to be a little less weird, a little more nuzzled by the warm inner membrane of my comfort zone. In the end, I decide, fuck it, if I'm gonna do it, I might as well do it right, go all out.

After all, it's just a tutu. Who doesn't enjoy a hairy man in a tutu?

I head back to the bathroom, put on my dress and face, and return to my table. A couple sets later and I'm called up. As I'm getting my gear set up on stage, a woman who sounds at once enticed and confused by my appearance says, "It's about to happen." Into the mic I say, "Yes. It's happening," and laugh at the feeling of being publicly foolish.

Addressing the audience, I tell them, "I used to live inside of my mother."

"Me, too!" someone replies.

"I don't live there anymore. It's so much more spacious out here."

I begin my song, Mr. Grizzly Sips His Milk. For the most part, my singing is wordless, comprised of guttural wailing sounds improvised to mesh with the digital instrumentation I've written beforehand playing from my laptop. I throw in a couple of nonsense lines about the pervasive presence of enchiladas in the universe.

When I feel my inhibitions attempting to restrain my expression and my action, I do my best to recognize them and go beyond them, imbuing my voice with as much presence and feeling as I can muster so that the sounds of my mouth can reach the ears of the audience and make a fluid connections with their minds, hearts, and bodies.

The qualities which I had previously feared would ostracize my performance and myself--the qualities of strangeness and silliness--seem to be the very elements that capture the crowd's attention, allowing me to take them on the auditory excursion of load-lightening humor and mind-opening absurdity that is my intention for us.

My set finishes. Contrary to all of the dread I had felt only 15 minutes earlier, the short set went really well. I was able to get into the zone, that interior headspace of uninhibited expression. The audience not only listened, but enthusiastically enjoyed it. And so did I.

It feels good. I am quietly ecstatic, already wanting to do it again.

I know that the fear will come up again. Some shows will tank. Some will connect. It will resurface in this endeavor and in all other facets of my everyday life. The fear is not something that can be out-thought or explained away.

If there is something I wish to do but which I am scared to try, the only solution is to ACT, to just DO the thing I know I want to do.

Maybe the nervousness will dissipate. Maybe it will shrink. Maybe it will grow. Maybe the fear will make a very plausible case for giving up and trying something safer, easier. Maybe it will seem that there is no logical reason to act, but if that desire to follow my curiosity and inspiration is still here, then none of that matters. What matters it to DO IT, to do it as well as I can, and to make sure I enjoy the process.


If you'd like to hear my music, you can find it here.

If you enjoyed this post, please stay tuned for regular updates to my blog here. Writings about art, dreams, tarot, and the joys and frustrations of psychological constipation and liberation.

subscribe via rss
  • Art
    • Jul 2, 2018 About the Folks Who Think You Stink (Notes on Performance and Life)
    • Jun 22, 2018 The Freedom and Fear of Being Yourself (Notes on Performance and Life)
    • Apr 3, 2018 Public Alchemy: Notes on Street Performance
    • Dec 1, 2017 Why the Tutu?
    • Sep 14, 2017 Art is a Portal
    • Aug 17, 2017 Put the Potatoes on Your Face
    • Dec 28, 2016 How to Make Magical Oranges
    • Dec 19, 2016 Wakey Wakey, Inner Kiddo
  • Interviews
    • Jul 18, 2018 Artist Interview: Kayle Karbowski
    • Jun 4, 2018 Artist Interview: Sally Nicholson
    • Apr 23, 2018 Interview: Yogi Ron Katwijk
    • Mar 1, 2018 Artist Interview: Lawrence Blackman
    • Feb 21, 2018 Artist Interview: Samantha Blumenfeld
  • Magical Thinking
    • Jun 21, 2023 Magick for Reshaping Life and Transmuting Trauma
    • May 18, 2023 Magick is a Sentient Entity: Using the Imagination to Co-Create with Magick
    • Dec 4, 2020 The Healing Voice: Wounds, Addiction, and Purgation
    • Aug 5, 2019 Celebrating Your Misery
    • Jun 21, 2019 White Peacocks, Constipation, and Emotional Liberation
    • Aug 23, 2018 Melting a Snowball of Misery
    • Jul 2, 2018 About the Folks Who Think You Stink (Notes on Performance and Life)
    • Jun 22, 2018 The Freedom and Fear of Being Yourself (Notes on Performance and Life)
    • Apr 16, 2018 Questions for Limitations
    • Apr 3, 2018 Public Alchemy: Notes on Street Performance
    • Jan 5, 2018 Chaos' Playground: Finding Gold in the Shitstorm
    • Dec 1, 2017 Why the Tutu?
    • Sep 14, 2017 Art is a Portal
    • Aug 7, 2017 Three Reasons to Destroy Yourself (Or Not)
    • Jul 6, 2017 Nerves and Tutus
    • Feb 19, 2017 Why Does Heartache Happen?
    • Jan 15, 2017 Following Fear
    • Dec 28, 2016 How to Make Magical Oranges
  • Tarot
    • Oct 24, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #5: Why does my skin crawl with wonder and fascination as such important relationships in my life are connected by the eyes?
    • Oct 11, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #4: How long will it be until I have a new job?
    • Sep 25, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #3: Why can't I find more hours in a day?
    • Sep 3, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #2: Do abusers know they're being abusive, or is that just their sense of reality?
    • Aug 25, 2019 TAROT QUESTION #1: Why is the Present Moment So Much All the Time?
    • Aug 18, 2019 Today's Tarot: Shifting Pain by Surrendering to It
    • Aug 13, 2019 Today's Tarot: The Golden Devils Inside You
    • Aug 12, 2019 Today's Tarot: The Moon of Self-Loathing
    • Jun 27, 2019 Today's Tarot: Snot, Beauty, and Tea for Pain
    • Feb 28, 2018 Today's Tarot: The World is in the Seed
    • Aug 26, 2017 Tarot as a Tool for Reality Construction
July 06, 2017 /Ben Miller
benjonmiller, fear, blog, tutu, nervous, performance, performanceart, music, improvisation, experimental, play, absurdity
Magical Thinking
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